


Shaped By My Love For You

by Hopefulwriter



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Shapeshifter Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 22:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18397427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopefulwriter/pseuds/Hopefulwriter
Summary: And it pains him to think that, in another lifetime, where Felix is wired the same way he is, they might be able to be together. they can’t though, and he definitely knows it, especially with his… problem.





	Shaped By My Love For You

**Author's Note:**

> Another one to blame for an idea sparked by the peeps on Discord, it started with a photo and a small idea and it grew into this. What can i say? i love supernatural stuff.
> 
> I hope you all like it and dont forget to let me know what you think!

~

 

 

Jack doesn't know how his feelings got to be like this. He guesses it's partly because he's seen so much of Felix; from being a fan at first, all of his best parts laid bare on his screen, then to actually knowing him, every part of the man building up in his mind like a finely created tapestry, from his good to his bad, all of it. And it sounds stupid but Jack even likes the bad parts, seeing the man at his worst, broken down and vulnerable, makes him feel more… human, Jack supposes, without the filter that the rest of the world sees, only him and a select few others. And he treasures the fact that he's part of this amazing persons world, able to be close enough to see him in the way he does. But that's the thing; he’s allowed himself to be too close, his heart latching on and digging hooks into his heart whenever a thought of Felix comes, the organ stubborn in its love for him, not allowing him to forget, even for a second.

And it pains him to think that, in another lifetime, where Felix is wired the same way he is, they might be able to be together. they can’t though, and he definitely knows it, especially with his… problem. 

You see, Jack is supernatural, not like a ghost or a monster under the bed, but a shapeshifter. He's come from a long line of them, but unlike his ancestors he doesn't hide away from the world, his parents had made sure to raise all of their children with the idea that they are able to cohabitate with humans, show them human customs so that they are set to live ‘normally.’ Jack honestly loves living among humans, and sometimes he forgets what he is, having known nothing else all his life other than their world. But he's known since he was younger to not let himself get close to them, it was too risky, they could find out what he is, hurt him, or the dreaded one; he could get too attached. The drilling of that message obviously hadn’t done him any good though.

He loves Felix like nothing else, he finds himself more comfortable in his presence than he's ever found in anything else in his twenty-nine years. It’s scary how quickly this feeling had taken hold. He remembers finishing up on a recording with the blonde, a familiar emptiness engulfing his chest. He had sat back in his chair, beginning to realise what he had created by being too reckless, his happy smile slipping from his face as he explores the extent of what he shouldn’t be feeling for his friend. 

He hadn’t thought that it would get like this, get progressively worse, his love blooming like a wildflower, unbidden, even with his gradual distancing from the root of his feelings. He had thought of an idea one day, it made him feel guilty, even now looking back on it all. It was a last resort, a place for his feelings to release, a compromise if you will; he was going to shift into Felix. And okay, he knows it sounds stupid, but it will give him a chance to be with Felix in some way, because he certainly can't have the way he wants. He did it the next day, after much warring with his morals. He stands in a mirror and looks at the face of his best friend staring back at him, every mole and imperfection in the lines of his skin memorised and put onto this generated body. It felt exactly like he thought it would, though they can’t hold hands or kiss like he had created in his imaginative wonderland of a life with Felix, he can still look upon this body and see the love in the grey blue eyes that he wouldn’t get otherwise. 

The only problem is his hair, he had never been able to master changing his hair like his siblings could, pranks in his youth always falling through when someone sees his hair. It’s complicated, the strands always hard to reshape and recreate. It’s the only inaccuracy in ‘Felix's’ looks, and the sight of the dyed green infuriates him, but this is as close as he's ever going to get to what he wants so he has to make do with what he can get. 

It feels comforting to be in this shape, to be in Felix's presence in some way. It might sound insane but when Jack would go to the ends of the earth to be with him, this seems like the easier option. 

Sometimes he gets down that this really is the only way he gets to be with Felix, that if he wasn’t a shapeshifter he’d only be left with his thoughts and the constant void in his chest that opens whenever his name is mentioned. He doesn't like that he's doing this, it eats him up inside, and he spends a lot of time in those months debating whether he should be doing this, but the next day, after recording, he always shifts, feeling more comfortable with himself being in this body.

Talking or recording with Felix becomes difficult for him. It feels like there's this huge elephant in the room that only he can sense. Felix is thankfully oblivious to his inner turmoil, the shall i, shan’t i debate in his mind, wanting to tell him but not even knowing where to start, so he just sticks to enjoying the company, reveling in it while he can before he goes back to his empty flat, his shape not his own and only his pot plants to talk to.

Jack spends a lot of time in the mirror while in Felix's body, looking him over, his face that he wishes to wake up to every day; his arms that he longs to be held by; his hands that he wishes he could take in his own. But all he has is this, this faux everything, and it doesn't feel like enough anymore. The imperfections of his hair among others screaming out to him obviously, never even able to hold a candle to the real thing. 

He has this routine for a few months. He knows it isn't the healthiest thing, but it brings some minute happiness when he's able to be close to Felix, even in this way. 

Like all good things the routine comes to an end one day. He had been invited to stay with Felix, just record some videos and hang out for a couple weeks. Jack had almost wanted to turn it down, not knowing how his weak heart could handle being in Felix's flat for over a week. But he'd be stupid to say no, he knows that, there's no chance he can miss an opportunity to spend time with him just because of how he feels.

He pulls up at the flat after a tiring plane and taxi ride. He can never get used to flying, it makes him nauseous and dizzy no matter what remedy he tries. He puts it down to what he is, his sensitive senses overloaded when he's in an airplane, but he tries to focus on what is going to be at the other side. The flat is a clean white from the outside, no sign of the inhabitants unusual style. He rings the buzzer, suitcase beside him, fluffing up his hair as he waits to be able to come up. The buzzer beeps and he presses through the door, almost unable to wait any longer to see Felix. He gets to Felix's door and has to steel himself, mentally preparing for what’s to come, what will undoubtedly test his resolve. But he knows he can’t let this do that to him, he's just going to enjoy Felix's company, he won't burden his friend with what he feels, he just can't do that to him, not with the revelation that will inevitably come with it.

He rings the doorbell before he can change his mind and hop straight back on a flight to Ireland. He smiles when he hears the barking of Edgar and Maya beyond the door, so he knows their master will come soon. There's footsteps and hushing, then the door swings open, the brilliant sight of Felix stands in the threshold. Jack barely has time to admire the way Felix's eyes shine when he sees him before he's pulled into a tight hug. Jack stands there like a fool for a second before his brain cells activate and he wraps his arms around his friend, taking in the warmth and comforting smell of Felix's aftershave, the smells he associates just with the man engulfing him and wrapping around him much like the hug. Jack has to pull away soon after, not trusting himself to be able to leave it if he stayed any longer. “It’s good to see you again,” Jack smiles.

“Yeah, i wish we could see each other more often honestly,” Felix says, then steps aside to allow Jack into his abode. “C’mon in, do you want me to take your bags?”

“Nah, I’m alright with ‘em, thank you though,” Jack insists, walking in with his suitcase rumbling along behind him. The pugs skip around his heels, eager to receive attention from the newcomer, and who is he to deny them?

“I think they knew you were coming,” Felix chuckles. “Your rooms down the hall, i hope it's alright. Do you want a drink?”

Jack rights himself from his pug petting position. “I’m sure it's great, thank you for giving me a room in the first place, and I’ll have a coffee, i've been deprived of one since this mornin’ and I’m feelin’ it.”

Felix wanders into the adjacent kitchen, flicking the kettle on. “I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I just let you get a hotel when i've got a perfectly fine room for you to have,” Felix calls over the loud rumble of the water boiling, spooning coffee into a cup he’d bought just for this occasion.

Jack stays quiet and goes to put his case into his temporary lodgings. Jack really doesn't know what Felix was worried about with this room, it's a good size, with a window with a view of the beach in the distance. There are fresh sheets on the queen sized bed, crisp and white, and plush towels folded on the pillows. The room smells like the rest of the house, the smell of Felix around him even here, and this is going to be sweet torture for him, exactly where he wants to be but too far from what he really needs.

He returns a short while later, finding Felix sat on the couch, Edgar on his lap, who promptly perks up at the sight of him, leaving his master's lap for the better prospect of Jack. Felix looks up at him with a warm smile, then motions the the mug on the coffee table once he's sat. “Thank you,” Jack says gratefully, picking up the mug, before realising what it had written on it. It was pure black, with the words ‘kiss me, I’m drunk, or Irish, or both’ in bold bright orange text and the sight of it makes Jack flush.

Felix laughs at the color appearing on his cheeks. “I thought you might like it, got it special for you coming over.”

“Yeah, i- gotta keep the stereotypes alive y’know?” He jokes, taking a sip.

Felix snorts at the text on the underside, making Jacks brows furrow before he raises it enough to see underneath. As if the other text wasn’t bad enough, there's some on the bottom too that says ‘just kiss me already, will you?’ And this really is Jack’s personal hell.

He tries to forget about how he feels and just live in the moment with Felix, enjoying his company and recording videos with him, because he wants to enjoy this time to the fullest. He feels really, truly happy sharing Felix's space, but he tries not to think of what is going to happen after this, that he's going to have to go back to rainy Ireland with a Felix shaped loss imprinted in his flat and the same taken out of his heart.

Night is the only time he has to himself, to finally get comfortable. It feels strange to change into Felix's body when the other is only down the hall, but he's got used to the feeling this form instills in him. He sits there for a while, taking in the details of hands that aren’t his own in the dim light of street lamps filtering through the blinds, his eyes drooping tiredly before he drops off into a blissful slumber.

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes as he enters the kitchen the next morning, too tired to notice the sharp inhale of the man currently brewing his morning pot of coffee. “Is- is this a joke?” He sounds scared, and when Jack turns to him he sees him ashen, his eyes wide and looking at him.

Jacks brows furrow, but then with a steep drop of his heart he realises. He's still in Felix's form, he’d forgotten to change back. “Oh, fuck,” he breathes, his organs feeling like they had been swallowed by a black hole. He takes a step back, away from a bewildered Felix, and changes back into himself again. Felix's mouth gapes at the display, his best friend in front of him once again in a blink. 

“What- what are you? What’s going on?” 

Jack gulps. “I’m sorry, i didn't mean to- you were never supposed to know, but I’ve fucked up and scared you and-“ Jack feels his head spin, edging on an impending anxiety attack, his breath coming in short. Felix, despite the edge of fear he feels, steers Jack over to the couch, because no matter what this new development is, he still cares for his friend like no other.

“Take in deep breaths, in, and out, in, and out,” Felix instructs, breathing along with the words to give Jack something to follow.

Jack does as he's told, trying to even out his breathing. The pugs skip obliviously around his feet as he finally gets his breath back, the panic still sat in his throat and his legs jittery with the impending want to run. “You wanna tell me what that was now?” Felix inquires gently.

“I- I’m a shifter, shape-shifter,” Jack says quietly. 

“You- i thought they could only turn into, like, animals.”

Jack is encouraged slightly by Felix's reaction, because it's honestly a miracle he hasn’t run screaming yet. “That’s a myth, we can turn into animals but people are our preference, it helped us stay under the radar and avoid suspicion on the rare times we went out into the world, but my family encourage us living a life like humans do, we can be normal, well, as normal as you can be when you're a creepy supernatural creature.”

“I don't think you're creepy,” Felix disputes, a crease between his brows.

Jack huff's incredulously. “Even though i was wearing your form when you found out?”

“Yeah, that's what I wondered about too, why were you like that?”

Jack freezes. What can he say to that? He doesn't want to lie, Felix doesn't deserve his dishonesty, but the only other thing he can do is say the truth, and how will that sound? “I've sorta got used to it, it feels comforting when I’m like that, i- i don't know,” Jack falters, not wanting to say anymore lest it all pour out.

“Why is that comforting to you? I’m not exactly the body I’d chose if i was in your shoes,” Felix questions.

“You are special though, to me.” And with those words it feels like he's just revealed everything, his heart laid out on the table for Felix to do as he wishes.

“You- I’m special to you?”

“Of course you are, no one is more special to me,” Jack admits, a lump forming in his throat. “You mean so much to me, more than you know.”

“Sounds a bit like you love me,” Felix chuckles.

Jack doesn’t know what to say to that. He can't deny it, because it's all too true. His silence makes Felix stop laughing, and Jack feels like all eyes are on him, waiting for him to laugh too, for the awkwardness to leave. “Well i- i do,” is what Jack says, hesitant and quiet, almost hoping Felix won't hear it.

“You- really?” Felix questions.

“Yeah, i tried to keep it to myself, because I know this wouldn’t work, you’d never accept what i am, i mean, i don't even really like what i am,” Jack pauses, and Felix opens his mouth to reply, but Jack can't let him, can't hear the agreement that's surely on the tip of his tongue. “Or if you would you wouldn’t want me, not like this anyway, but you don’t have to settle for me like this just because I love you, I could be anyone you want me to be, any celebrity you have a crush on, I could have blonde hair, green eyes, I can be your perfect match in a girl,” Jack smiles to hide the pain in his traitorous heart, because he'd do it, of course he would, why would Felix want him as he is, plain old Jack, when he could be a gorgeous woman?

Felix looks aghast at the suggestion, the complete opposite of what Jack had expected. “What’s wrong with you though? Why do you think I would ask you to do that, change yourself for me?”

“Well, why wouldn’t you? I could be so much better for you, so much prettier or more handsome, like you deserve in a partner,” Jack reasons.

“But it would still be you, and why would i change you when you're perfect as you are?”

Jacks taken aback at the conviction in his tone, genuine all the way through. “But- this is the perfect opportunity to be with anyone you want, why would you just want me?”

“Because i love you too, you fuckin’ idiot,” Felix huffs. “I don't care about anyone else, I want you.”

Jack looks to him, the blue of his eyes are shimmering, breathtaking as always, and Jack almost doesn't want to look away. “That’s- and all this took was me becoming your doppelgänger,” Jack chuckles.

“I never thought I’d see that,” Felix agrees, then something big seems to dawn on him. “Green PewDiePie, oh my god, the prophecy is true.”

Jack rolls his eyes fondly at the pure happiness Felix seems to get from that one realisation. “You’ve found me out, t’was my plan all along.”

Felix gasps theatrically, not able to hide his wide grin no matter how much he tries. “I knew it, you sneaky bastard.”

Jack hisses out a laugh, glad that his life led to this exact moment. 

 

~

**Author's Note:**

> And thats it! Kudos and comments are always appreciated and come see me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Hopefulwriter_) or alternatively on [Tumblr](https://hopeful--writer.tumblr.com)
> 
> I hope you have an awesome day/night!


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